Is My Toddler Behind? Why Comparing Hurts and What to Track Instead
Written by Eugene Tng, QASP-S, Programme Director at ABA LABS
Your friend's toddler is already saying sentences, and a cousin of the same age is counting to ten. Suddenly you are wondering whether your own child is falling behind. This article looks at why comparing can hurt, what to track instead, and when it is worth getting a check.
Prefer to watch? The full video is above.
Milestones Are Ranges, Not Deadlines
Developmental milestones describe what most children can do by a certain age. They are useful guides, but they are not exact deadlines.
Children develop at different speeds. One child may walk early and talk later, while another talks early and walks later. Both can be developing well. Most milestones have a wide window, and being at the later end of that window is often still within the typical range.
Our guide to developmental milestones by age sets out what to expect at different ages, and when it is worth taking action.
Why Comparing Hurts
Comparing your child with other children rarely gives you useful information. Every child has a different temperament, environment and set of strengths. Comparing can leave you anxious, second-guessing yourself and feeling like you are not doing enough.
It can also make it harder to see the progress your child is actually making.
Compare With Last Month Instead
A more helpful question is: "What can my child do now that they could not do a month or two ago?"
Looking at your child's own progress gives you a clearer picture. You might notice that they now:
Point to show you things they like
Use a new word, sound or sign
Follow a simple instruction like "Get your shoes"
Play alongside another child for a little longer
Try to feed themselves with a spoon
Steady progress, even if it is slow, is a good sign.
Keep a Small Wins List
Try keeping a simple list on your phone or in a notebook. Each week, write down one or two new things your child has done. It could be a new word, a new game or managing a transition more easily.
Over a few months, this list becomes a clear record of growth. It is also very helpful to bring along if you ever speak to a doctor or therapist.
Communication Is More Than Words
Many parents focus on how many words their child can say. Words matter, but communication includes much more. Look out for:
Eye contact and looking at you when you talk
Pointing, waving and other gestures
Bringing you things to show you or ask for help
Responding to their name
Taking turns in simple games like peekaboo
Using sounds, signs or pictures to tell you what they want
A child who has few words but communicates in many other ways is building important foundations.
Social Media and Family Comments
Social media often shows children's best moments, not the full picture. It is easy to feel your child is behind when you only see other children's highlights.
Comments from relatives, such as "He should be talking by now" or "She's just lazy," can also add pressure. These remarks usually come from care, but they are not a reliable guide. If you are unsure, it is better to look at your child's own progress and, if needed, get a professional view.
When to Check
Comparing is not helpful, but your concerns still matter. It is worth speaking to your doctor or a professional if:
Your child loses skills they used to have, such as words, gestures or social interest
There has been no new progress for several months
Your child is not responding to their name or showing interest in people most of the time
You have a gut feeling that something is not quite right
You know your child best. If you are worried, it is okay to ask, even if others tell you to wait.
An Assessment Is Not a Label
Many parents hold back from getting a developmental assessment because they are worried about what it might mean. An assessment is simply a way to understand how your child is developing, where their strengths are and where they may need some support.
It does not define your child or decide their future. It gives you information so you can make choices that help them.
Early Help Works
If your child does need extra support, starting early can make a real difference. Young children's brains are still developing quickly, and early intervention can help them build communication, social and daily living skills.
Getting help early does not mean something is wrong with your parenting. It means you are giving your child the best chance to grow at their own pace.
This article is general information and not medical advice. If you have concerns about your child's development, please speak to your doctor or a qualified professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
My toddler is not talking yet. Should I be worried?
Every child develops language at their own pace, but some delays benefit from early support. Look at how your child communicates in other ways, such as pointing, gestures and responding to their name. If you are worried, or your child is not making progress, it is worth speaking to a professional.
How do I know if my child is just a late bloomer?
It can be hard to tell on your own. Children who are late bloomers usually keep making steady progress and communicate well in other ways. If progress has stalled, skills have been lost or you have ongoing concerns, a professional assessment can give you clearer answers.
What should I bring to a developmental assessment?
Bring any notes on your child's development, your small wins list, short videos of behaviours you are curious about and reports from preschool if you have them. Write down your questions beforehand so you do not forget them on the day.
Talk to ABA LABS
At ABA LABS, we support families with clear, caring guidance on child development and home-based early intervention. If you are unsure whether your child needs support, book a free consultation with our team. You can also download our free milestone checklist to track your child's progress at home.
Sources
WHO Multicentre Growth Reference Study Group (2006). WHO Motor Development Study: windows of achievement for six gross motor development milestones
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