How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Shouting
Written by Eugene Tng, QASP-S, Programme Director at ABA LABS
You have asked three times, your voice is getting louder, and your child still has not moved. Most parents know this moment well. The good news is that a few small changes in how you give instructions can make listening easier for your child and calmer for you.
Prefer to watch? The full video is above.
Why Children Do Not Always Listen
When a child does not respond, it is easy to think they are being stubborn. Often, something else is going on. They may be deeply focused on play, may not have understood the words, may not know how to start the task, or may have learned that you will repeat yourself several times before anything happens.
Our article on why some children struggle to follow instructions looks at these reasons in more detail. Below are practical steps you can start using today.
Get Close First
Calling out from the kitchen while your child is watching cartoons rarely works. Before you give an instruction:
Walk over to your child
Get down to their eye level
Say their name and wait until they look at you or pause what they are doing
Then give the instruction
This takes a few extra seconds, but it means your child actually hears you.
Give One Step at a Time
"Go upstairs, put your toys away, wash your hands and come for dinner" is a lot to remember. For young children, especially those with language delays, keep it to one step.
Say "Put the cars in the box." Once that is done, give the next step.
Say What You Want Them to Do
Children respond better when they know exactly what to do, rather than what not to do.
Instead of "Stop running," try "Walk with me"
Instead of "Don't throw the ball," try "Roll the ball on the floor"
Instead of "Don't touch," try "Hands in your pocket"
Clear, positive instructions give your child something to do instead.
Give a Heads Up Before Changes
Stopping something fun is hard for anyone. A short warning helps your child prepare.
Try "Two more slides, then we go home," or use a timer they can see. When the time is up, follow through calmly. Over time, warnings become more meaningful because your child learns that you mean what you say.
Help Them Get Started
Some children want to follow the instruction but do not know how to begin. If your child does not respond within a few seconds:
Repeat the instruction once, calmly
Then gently help, for example by handing them the first toy or guiding their hand to the box
Reduce your help a little each time as they get more confident
Helping is not giving in. It shows your child what the instruction means and makes success more likely.
Praise the Start, Not Just the Finish
As soon as your child begins to follow the instruction, notice it. "You're putting the cars away, thank you!" You do not need to wait until the whole job is done.
Specific praise tells your child exactly what they did well and makes it more likely they will do it again.
Avoid Questions and Repeating
Two common habits can make instructions harder to follow.
The first is asking a question when you mean an instruction. "Shall we take a bath now?" invites your child to say no. If there is no choice, say it as a calm statement: "It's bath time."
The second is repeating the instruction many times. If your child learns that the first five requests do not count, they will wait for the sixth. Say it once, wait a few seconds, say it once more, then help them do it.
An Example: Bath Time
Here is how these steps can fit together.
Five minutes before, you say, "Five more minutes, then bath time." You set a timer.
When the timer rings, you walk over, kneel down and say your child's name.
You say, "Bath time. Walk to the bathroom."
Your child keeps playing. You wait a few seconds and say it once more.
Your child still does not move, so you gently take their hand and start walking together.
As soon as they take a step, you say, "Nice walking to the bathroom!"
No shouting, no bargaining and no long explanations.
Give It Two Weeks
New habits take time, for you and for your child. Some children test the new approach at first, and things can feel harder before they feel easier. Try to use these steps consistently for about two weeks, and ask other carers, such as grandparents or your helper, to use them too.
When to Check
It may be worth speaking to a professional if your child:
Often seems not to understand simple instructions
Does not respond to their name most of the time
Has limited words or understanding for their age
Struggles with instructions in every setting, including preschool
These can sometimes be linked to hearing, language or developmental differences, and early support can help.
This article is general information and not medical advice. If you have concerns about your child's development, please speak to your doctor or a qualified professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many times should I repeat an instruction?
Try to say it once, wait a few seconds, and say it one more time if needed. After that, gently help your child follow through. Repeating many times can teach your child that the first requests do not matter.
What if my child says no?
Stay calm and keep it simple. Repeat the instruction once and then help them get started. Avoid arguing or explaining at length. Where you can, offer a small choice within the task, such as "Do you want to walk or hop to the bathroom?"
Is it normal for toddlers not to listen?
Yes, toddlers are still learning language and self-control, so not listening is common. That said, if your child rarely responds to simple instructions or to their name, it is worth checking their hearing and development.
Talk to ABA LABS
At ABA LABS, we help families build everyday skills such as listening and following instructions through practical, home-based support. If listening is a daily struggle, book a free consultation with our team. You can also download our free milestone checklist to see what is typical for your child's age.
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